Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
