hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
