If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
