just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I cockslap morals
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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