I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
