I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
