Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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