my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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