3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize