This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
