Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
