Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
