Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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