He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
FUCK WHALES
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
