Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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