I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
