if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
