You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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