i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
