Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
How's work?
Spinning.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
