Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
