i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
