Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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