Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
