im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
