How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
are you so shy because you have an std?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
