You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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