I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Randomize
