the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
