The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
