I wish I could teleport
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
