Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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