saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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