I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
