Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
