He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
