fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm passing your future prison.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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