Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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