does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
