I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
