this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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