Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
this boner is exhausting
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
