the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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