When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
