Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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