so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
