I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
