my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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