Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize