I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
