dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
