I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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