Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
