ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We're too hungover to prance.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
