Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize