Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
