In the future we'll all be gay
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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