evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize