We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
