my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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