they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
