Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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