My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize