i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
