508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
