I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
