Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
