So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
