kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize