I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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