Pants 0. Shit 1.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
