I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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