Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
