We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
