She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
zippers are such a cool invention
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
