Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
