I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
