yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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