My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
