1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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