Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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