Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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