She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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