All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
