I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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