She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
