My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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