Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize