I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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