I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
