Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
