He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
