i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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